Wednesday, February 26, 2003

sacrament of forgivness

n. [L. sacramentum an oath, a sacred thing, a mystery, a sacrament, fr. sacrare to declare as sacred, sacer sacred: cf. F. sacrement. See Sacred.]

some of us are white, some of us are black. & some of us are brave, very, i was in the midst of such braveness. listening to the gentleman speak about his past unearthed medusa type emotions. this is a man who speaks of prying on young preteen boys and the subsequent sexual abuse towards his daughter when she was two years.

he looked like any nice, middle aged man. the kind who would draw you towards him with his wisdom and kindness. he who would speak of times long gone. the kind of man who you'd ask to speak on your behalf to your parents. the kind of man you'd call uncle. yet, this is the man who committed such vile acts.

when the episodes of sexual abuse come to my consciousness (at eighteen years). i remember most vividly were the bursts of incoherent anguish from the pits of my soul. i was almost nine years when it began. an introverted child who liked to stare into the wildness with a predisposition to words and music. it happened for a period of a year. it is still very hazy in my mind. i'm still not sure as to the exactly what the episodes entailed. & nowadays, it doesn’t matter much as to what actually happened. the sequence of events isn’t important as is the proverbial moving on.

listening to this man speak his truth, not only was I aghast as to his honesty but the human-ness that permeated his being. healing always is percieved as one sided. i've always wondered whether the person who perpetrated the crime ever thinks about it. understands what it is he did. yet, that doesnt matter because this gentleman is continuously mastering courage to be in the present.acknowledging that yes, he did some pretty mean shit. that his actions set a whirlpool of anguish to young boys, many of them he doesn’t remember their names or faces. yet, he understood that for others to begin the healing process and to release himself to the universe, he had to be honest and speak in love. I applaud you. faith, hope & love. the greatest of these is love.this is the sacrament of forgivness.

Tuesday, February 25, 2003

many hours later..
the adventures of pooky bun.
you should have seen us. b, my self and Beloved (with a capital B) gliding through the horrendous sleet in some un-godly hour (two am thank you very much), like the last notes on Tchaikovsky's swan lake heart was in my mouth. literally with images of me freezing to death flashing through my head. not pretty. & then, i kept on casting scared looks at b while he was driving. you know those looks your momma would throw to you as you stuffed yourself with cookies when vistors come to visit.

but, i couldn't help myself but grin gleefully. the road though dangerous was carpeted by this pristine, virgin-like, white halo substance & in my equa-tropical african eyes, i was like wow did you see that. of course, there can never miss the punk ass drivers strudding their stuff in slipper roads. i don't get this overtly masculine urge to show their 'stuff' on slippery road i might add.anyways, you should have seen Beloved. Quite the befiting name i may add. she gently navigated us to our respective, warm, hearths of blankets, heaters and mugs of herbal tea. (sigh) .