Friday, April 02, 2004

the ache that bears many names

i'm liking this look, thanks to livie who hooked me up.

last friday marked week # 4 since i began taking prozac & i'm feeling very brave. i feel its remarkable in and of itself that i arrive at this place where i can honestly say, this is how i feel & not be overwhelmed by the urgency to throw up or push down my self. i've got nehanda dreams & you, my faceless friend, in your companionship i have felt carry me on to the sweet balm of love.

i feel really great surprising. considering i haven't been that dutiful in taking the dosages. i could say its all in my head (hehehe) which it is, -ish anyway. this has been instrumental in allowing me the space to just breathe. its amazing, i thought i was the only one going crazy every month. & its gotten worse over the years. i made that connection like aha.. wayoff hormones, lack of sleep, loss of memory, no food equals crazed person.

i'm like why didn't anyone mention this to me. im i the only one suffering from this?

prozac in and of itself is not the solution. i'm not even going to say its the IT for me. I know though it's helping in conjuction with the yoga and this.

i was like embarrased informing my mom that i needed a boast. it didnt look like i have my shit together. she kinda freaked out esp. since its not like she can get the next plane and resuce me from the hell hole i currently reside.

talking to myself about depression demystifies it. it no longer bears the level of potency that silence casts a thin veener over.i think of it as a gift from the divine that wholesomely baptisizes me into the threashold of pain of myself and others, and i arise, as a new born everytime, clear from other sensations except redemption.