saturday night live!

since i can't remember when, this saturday i was away from the plantation. & i did what any ordinary person would do, i cooked. it was wonderful! i made ugali. i actually prepared ugali..very astonishing..see, i had vowed, until last week, i was never going to eat ugali ever!! especially after boarding school, half cooked, flour pouring on the sides meal. now, i ate SADzA from a friends' house. it was so delicious. it was soo soft. unbelievably soft, spongy, one would make zillions of curled up balls of sukuma wiki (kales), some muchuzi (meat sause). have that land on your tongue & chew real slowly. swallow and feel it go down.. you know what i wished for to follow it up? chilled maziwa mala (fermented milk) with lots of sukari. there are some wishes that should be kept inside the pandora box.. i mean, does anyone know where i can get maziwa mala?

i hardly cook at all. the excuse was no time. its true in some degree. full time school & work. then, i thought, maybe i just don't know how to cook. after all, there was this time i burned farmers choice sausages. lets not forget the time, i baked a pink cake and the pigs refused to eat.



while listening to joss stone & jill scott, it hit me, cooking is painful. not the ouch, that hurt stop pinching me hurt. it's the i cannot speak, if i do utter a sound, i'll never stop crying kinda hurt. while slicing the skuma & the onions were sizzling behind me, i imaged being in my mom's kitchen and listen to her go on and on about something or the other. & there i am, timing the phone because there is a plot or another, and i want to be here. stiring the flour, i realised, i'm a grown woman with a room she calls her own.

& its scary, exhilirating, joyous & quite simply put, i miss my mom.