all about the money.

i recently was engaged in discussions about money. since the job i currently have is the first well.. maybe the second one that the pay enabled me to actually pay bills. i feel the pressure and the trepidation not to fuck around when it comes to work because thereisnt anything or anyone i can truly fall back one. i then figure how i can be resourceful when it comes to money?

speaking of and relating to money is very multi layered. i have discovered. the sense of esteem. how to relate with oneself. the idea and vision of one has of themselves and where they feel they are heading. how people relate to themselves etcetra. im not good with cash money. i prefer investing it into something or another. i realised, the little i have, the more creative i become in expanding and stretching the few coins i have here and there. i feel like being in the states has indocrinated the illusion that i have lots of cash. which honestly is not the case..i think how we relate about and meditate on money is also hugely influenced on how we were raised. and how we saw our primary caregivers deal with momeny. my parents did not have as much money. infact when i think of it, there wasnt much to go around. and they worked hard and for 20 years were able to live enviable lives. but at what cost? alienation of the very lives one is working to better themselves?

as women we do not get into the trenches and work with money. and be curious as to how the money markets work. i admit, it was abit daunting at first. but its rather exciting..once it trickles in.

even though i struggle with finding a workable balance between what i earn and how i earn it. i feel the giving back to communirty harness the sense of feeling that whatever i earn is not used up in wasteful endevours.