Thursday, April 14, 2005

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Wounded in the house of a friend
Set No. 1
SONIA SANCHEZ

the unspoken word is born,
i see it our eyes dancing

she hadn't found anything. i had been careful.no lipstick. no matches from a well-known bar. no letters. cards. confessing an undying love.nothing tangible for her to hold onto. but i knewshe knew. it had been on her face, in her eyes forthe last nine days.it was the way she looked atme sideways from across the restaurant table as shepicked on her brown rice sushi.it was the way she paused in profile while inspecting my wolfdreams. itwas the way her mouth took a detour from talk. and then aswe exited the restaurant she said it quite casually:i know there's another woman. you must tell me abouther when we get home.

yeah. there was another woman. in fact there were three women.in florida. california and north carolina.places to replace her cool detachment of these last years. no sex for months. always tired or sick or off to some conference designed to save the world from racism or extinction. if i had to jerked off one more time in bed while lying nextto next to her it woulda dropped off. still i wondered how she knew.


and i dressed right for the smoke
will it wrinkle if i fall?


i had first felt something was wrong at the summer party. his colleague's house. he was so animated. the first flush of his new job i thought. he spoke staccato style. two drinks in each hand. his laughter. wild. hard. contagious as shrines enveloped the room. he was so wired that i thought he was going to explode. i didn't know the people there. they were all lawyers. even the wives were lawyers. glib and self-assured. discussing cases, and collegues. then it happened. a small hesitation on his part. in answer to a question as to how he would be able to get some important document from one place to another, he looked at the host and said: they'll get it to me. don't worry. and the look passing back and forth between the men told of collision and
omission. told dependence on another women for information and confirmation. told of nites i had stretched out next to him and he was soft. too soft for my open legs. and i turned my back to him and the nites multipied out loud. as i drove home from the party i asked him what was wrong? what was bothering him? were we okay? would we make love tonite? would we ever make make love again?did my breath stink? was i too short? too tall? did i talk too much? should i wear lipstick?should i let it grow? what did he want for dinner tomorrow nite? was i driving too fast? too slow? what is wrong man? he said i was always exaggerating. imagining things. always looking for trouble.

do they have children?
one does.

are they married?
one is.

they're like you then.
yes.

how old are they?
thirty-two, thirty-three, thirty-four.

what do they do?
an account and two lawywers.

they're like you then.
yes.

do they make better love than i do?
i'm not answering that.

where did you meet?
when i travelled on the job.

did you make love in hotels?
yes

did you go out together?
yes

to bars? to movies? restaurants?
yes

did you make love to them all night?
yes

and then got up to do your company work?
yes

and you fall asleep on me right after dinner.
after work. after walking the dog.
yes

did you buy them things?
yes

did you talk on the phone with them ever day?
yes

do you tell them how unhappy you are with me and the children?
yes

do you love them?did you say that you loved them while making love?
i'm not answering that.

can i pull my bones together
while the skeltons come out of my head?

i am preparing for him to come home. i have exercised.soaking in the tub. scrubbed my body. oiled myself down.what a beautiful day it's been. warmer than usual. the cherry blossoms on the drive are blooming prematurely. the hibuscus are giving off a scent around the house. i have gotten drunk off the smell. so delicate. so sweet. so loving. i have been sleeping, no, daydreaming all day. lounging inside my head.i am walking up this hill. the day is green. all green. even the sky. i start to run down the hill and i take wing and begin to fly and the currents turn me outside down and i begin to become young again childlike again ready to participate in all the children's games.

she is fucking my brains out. i am so tired i just want to put my head down at my desk. just for a minute. what is wrong with her?for one whole month she's turning to me every nite. climbing on topof me. put my dick inside her and become beautiful. almost birdlike. she seemed to be flying as she rode me. arms extended. moving fromside to side. but my god. every night. she's fucking my brains out. i can hardly see the morning and i'm beginning to hate the nite.

he's coming up the stairs. i've opened the venetian blinds. i love tosee the trees outlined against the night air. such beauty and space.i have oiled myself down for the night. i have slept during the day. he's coming up the stairs. i have been waiting for him all day. i am singing a song i learned years ago. it is pretty like this nite. like his eyes.

i can hardly keep my eyes open. time to climb out of bed. make the 7.20train. my legs and bones hurt.i'm outta condition. godddamn it. she is turning my way again. she's smiling. goddam it.

what a beautiful morning it is. i've been listening to the birds for the last couple hours. how beautiful they sing. like sacred music. i got up and exercised while he slept. made a cup of green tea. oiled my body down. climbed back into the bed and begin to kiss him all over.

ted. man. i'm so tired i can hardly eat this food. but i'd better eatcuz i'm losing weight. you know what man. i can't even get a hard-on when another bitch comes near me. lool at that one there with rhat see-through skirt on. nothing. my dick is so limp only she can bring it up. and she does. every nite. it aint normal is it for a wife to fuck like she does. is it man? it aint normal. like it aint normal for a woman you've lived with for twenty years to act like this.

she is killing him. he knew it. as he approached their porch he wondered what it would be tonite. the special dinner. the erotic movie. the whirlpool. the warm oil massage until his body awakened in spite of himself. inspite of an 18 -hr day at the office. as he approached the house he hesitated. he had to stay in control tonite. this was getting out of hand.

she was waiting for him. in the bathroom. she'd be waiting for him when he entered the shower. she'd come in to wash his back. damn these big walk-in showers. no privacy. no time to wash yourself and dream. she'd come in with those hands of hers. soaking him. on the nipples. chest. then she'd travel on down to his thing. he sweet peter jesus. so tired. so forlon. and she'd begin to tease him. play with him. suck him until he rose up like some fucking private first class. anxious to do battle. and she'd watch him rise until he become captain sweet peter. and she'd climb on him. close her eyes.

honey. it's too much you know.
what?

all this sex. it's getting so i can't concentrate.
where?

at the office. at lunch. on the train. on planes.
all i want to do is sleep.
why?

you know why. every place i go you're there.
standing there. smiling. waiting. touching.
yes

in bed. i can't turn over and you're there
lips open. smiling. all revved up.
aren't you horny too?

yes. but enough is enough. you're my wife.
it's not normal to fuck as much as you do.
no?

it's not well, nice. to have you talk the way you
talk when we're making love.
no?

can't we go back a little, go back to our normal
life when you just wanted to sleep at nite and make
love every now and then? like me.
no?

what's wrong with you. are you having a nervous
breakdown or something?
no

if i become the other woman
will i be loved like you loved her?

and he says i don't laugh. all this he says while he's away in california for a week. but i've been laughing all day. all week. all year. i know what to do now. i'll go outside and give it away. since he doesn't really want me. my love. my body. when we make love his lips swell up. his legs and arms hurt. he coughs. drinks water. develops a strain at his butt-hole. yeah. what to do now. go outside and give it away. pussy.sweet.black pussy. for sale. wholesome pussy. right here.
sweet black pussy.hello there mr. mailman. what's your name again?oh yes. harold. can i tell harry? how are you this morning? would you like some cold water it's so hot out there. youwant a doughnut a cookie some cereal some sweet black pussy?oh god. man.don't back away. don't run down the steps. oh my god be fell.the mail is all over the sidewalk. hee hee hee. he's still runningdown the block. mr. federal express man. c'mon over here. let me fed ex you aand anyone else some sweet funky pure smelling black pussy. hee hee hee.

i shall become his collector of small things; become his collector of burps,biceps and smiles; i shall bottle his farts, frowns and creases; i shall gather up his moans, words, outbursts wrap them in blue tissue paper; get to know them; watch them grow in importance; fill them in their place in their scheme of things; i shall collect his scraps of food; ferret them among my taste buds; allow each particle to saunter into my cells; allabroad; calling all food particles; c'mon board this fucking food express;climb into these sockets golden with brine; i need to taste him again.

you can't keep his dick in your purse.

preparation for the trip to dallas. los angeles.new orleans. baltimore. washington. hartford. brownsville.( orlando. miami. late check in.rush.limited liability).that's why you missed me at the airport. hotel. bus stop.train station. restaurant. ( late check in. rush. limitedliability) i'm here at the justice in the eighties conferencewith lawyers and judges and other types advocating abreviatingorchestrating mouthing fucking spilling justice in the bars.corridors. bedrooms.nothing you'd be interested in. ( luggagerecieved damaged.torn. broken. scratched. dented. lost).preparation for the trip to chestnut street.marked street. pinestreet. walnut street. locust street. lombard street. ( earlycheck in. slow and easy liability) that's why you missed me atthe office. at the office. at the office. it is a deposition.i'm deposing an entire office of women and other types needingmy deposing. nothing of interest to you. alot of questions noanswers. long lunches. laughter. penises. flirtings. touches.drinks.cunts and coke. jazz and jacuzzis. ( morning. evening. recievingdamaged. torn. broken. dented. scratched. lost)

i shall become a collector of me
ishallbecomeacollectorof me
i Shall become a collector of me
i shall BECOME a collector of me
i shall Become A COLLECTOR of me
I SHALL BECOME A COLLECTOR OF ME
ISHALLBECOMEACOLLECTOROFME
ANDPUTMEATONMYSOUL

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