Monday, May 30, 2005

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i don't think we have so arranged life that a man may have a house, a family, love, companionship, domesticity, and fatherhood..we have so arranged life on the other hand, so that a woman must 'choose' ; she must either live alone, unloved, uncompanioned, uncared for..or give up world service for the joys of love, motherhood and domestic service...a broader reordering might ensure that women are no longer forced to make these difficult choices. charlotte perkins gilman

my lover is rather baffled that the idea of motherhood stresses me . i inhabit a place where i'm comfortable making love without exhibiting out of body tendancies..i even allow myself the once in a while indulgence of imagining a child growing in me.

its not motherhood as an institution that terrfies me...its the being a mother to someone that causes oh, i dont know stress unimaginable! i have several friends who are mothers & they express an unastonishingly amount of enthusiasim and pride about being mothers of some child or another.

i wonder what i'd become, once i become one. im not talking physically, with my body and what have you. it's my time. as it is, i hardly have any time to myself..i work a ridiculous night schedule..i have no time to seat and watch the sunset & this pisses me like mad.

my first priority is to maintain a level of sane-ness in an ever plundering mad world. there is a certain vulnerability and fierceness that comes with being with child. for those six weeks, i experienced an amazing level of tenderness & major pissiness to the world.

i want to create. i want to spend crazy amounts of time with myself made company with whatever is churning in my mind. i dont want to feel tied to anyone..as a matter of life or death situation.im i selfish, perhaps..

this could be a mad woman's rumbling in the middle of the night! it's a stage, it will pass he says. our bodies glistering with shed sweat and mingled afterglow. as he trails his hand around my ambilical cord. what if it isn't.

14 Comments:

At July 06, 2005 2:03 AM , Blogger Olivia Meiring said...

The comments should be working now! Sorry it took so long.

xxx

 
At July 11, 2005 4:21 PM , Blogger John Kamau said...

I have caught up with you! Cheers
John kamau

 
At October 24, 2005 9:26 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Everyone has days when they are down, worn out, social anxiety medication and just not feeling all that happy.

That's OK, you need to have days like this, otherwise how would you know when you are happy. You need to have something to contrast your happiness with. What is black without white?

Even though you know that sadness (social anxiety medication) is a part of life, let's try to make it a small part of life.

With that said, here are a few tips to help you feel better when you are feeling down in the dumps. They are easy to do, easy to practice every day and they work!

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2. Smile! Yes, just smile. Easy to do and effective.

3. Repeat positive affirmations. Things like "I feel good", "Positive energy flows through my body", "I see the good in all".

4. Listen to some music that you like. It doesn't have to be anything specific, just something you enjoy. Certain types of music work better than others, but experiment and see what works for you. Studies have shown that Classical music and new age music work best.

5. Take some time out for yourself, relax and read a book, do something for yourself.

6. Meditate. Meditation is an excellent habit to develop. It will serve you in all that you do. If you are one who has a hard time sitting still, then try some special meditation CDs that coax your brain into the meditative state. Just search for "Meditation music" on Google or Yahoo and explore.

Our outside work is simply a reflection of our inside world. Remember there is no reality just your perception of it. Use this truth to your advantage. Whenever you are sad, realize that it is all in your mind and you do have the power to change your perception.

These tips will lift you up when you are down, but don't just use them when you are sad or social anxiety medication . Try and practice them everyday, make them a habit. You will be surprised at how these simple exercises will keep the rainy days away.

On a final note, if you are in a deep depression that you can't seem to shake, please go see a doctor. This is your life and don't take any chances. social anxiety medication

 
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At October 28, 2005 3:40 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

It’s 11:00 in the morning and your energy is waning. Minutes seem to tick by like hours and your mind feels foggy. You’ve still got six more hours to look alert and act productive and get over black eyed pea anxiety, so how do you cope with the afternoon blahs? Follow these six tips!

1. If you have a job that involves sitting at a desk all day or staring at a computer screen, take five minutes to stand up or lean back, close your eyes and stretch, especially in your shoulder and leg areas. Being seated all the time can make your whole body feel stiff and sleepy. A good stretch session helps limber up your body and gets the blood flowing again.

2. Avoid the tempting lure of caffeine or sugar-laden foods such as coffee, tea or chocolate. Caffeine may perk up your energy levels temporarily, but it also has a bad habit of leaving you sluggish after the effect has worn off. Instead, choose whole grain foods, fruits and vegetables to give your body the fuel it really wants! Eating healthier will boost your mood, elevate your alertness, change black eyed pea anxiety and make you feel better all day long.

3. Along with healthier foods, take a quick 10-15 minute walk during your lunch break. Just a few minutes will give you a burst of energy that refreshes you and makes you feel more alert – while burning off your lunch calories in the process!

4. Sometimes, afternoon slumps can be your body’s way of telling you that it needs something. You may be feeling tired if your blood sugar is low (which happens especially after the effect of those caffeine and high sugar foods has worn off!). Packing a low calorie snack like graham crackers, granola, fruit or vegetable slices can give your body a boost and keep you from feeling hungry in the late afternoon and caving in to the urge to devour the entire contents of the vending machine after work!

5. Drowsiness is often a sign that you’re not getting enough water. Drinking more water throughout the day not only helps keep you awake, but also keeps you from feeling those hunger pangs that inevitably creep up in mid-morning. Taking a large sports bottle that you can drink from throughout the day is a great way to get your recommended eight glasses a day as well!

6. If afternoon fatigue is a recurring problem, it may be a side effect of medications you are taking. Allergy pills are well known culprits, as are some blood pressure and anxiety/depression medicines. Don’t try to circumvent these effects with caffeine, otherwise you’ll overload your body with stimulants while it’s already trying to deal with drowsiness, and you’ll feel mentally and physically exhausted. Instead, try a short 15-20 minute catnap. You’ll be surprised how refresh you’ll feel when you wake up! (Don’t try this at work though – I know it’s tempting!)

If you follow these tips on a regular basis, you’ll not only make it through the afternoon blahs, but you’ll also feel better physically and mentally, sleep better at night, and wake up rejuvenated and re-energized the next morning. Make it a GREAT day! black eyed pea anxiety

 
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