Monday, May 30, 2005

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i don't think we have so arranged life that a man may have a house, a family, love, companionship, domesticity, and fatherhood..we have so arranged life on the other hand, so that a woman must 'choose' ; she must either live alone, unloved, uncompanioned, uncared for..or give up world service for the joys of love, motherhood and domestic service...a broader reordering might ensure that women are no longer forced to make these difficult choices. charlotte perkins gilman

my lover is rather baffled that the idea of motherhood stresses me . i inhabit a place where i'm comfortable making love without exhibiting out of body tendancies..i even allow myself the once in a while indulgence of imagining a child growing in me.

its not motherhood as an institution that terrfies me...its the being a mother to someone that causes oh, i dont know stress unimaginable! i have several friends who are mothers & they express an unastonishingly amount of enthusiasim and pride about being mothers of some child or another.

i wonder what i'd become, once i become one. im not talking physically, with my body and what have you. it's my time. as it is, i hardly have any time to myself..i work a ridiculous night schedule..i have no time to seat and watch the sunset & this pisses me like mad.

my first priority is to maintain a level of sane-ness in an ever plundering mad world. there is a certain vulnerability and fierceness that comes with being with child. for those six weeks, i experienced an amazing level of tenderness & major pissiness to the world.

i want to create. i want to spend crazy amounts of time with myself made company with whatever is churning in my mind. i dont want to feel tied to anyone..as a matter of life or death situation.im i selfish, perhaps..

this could be a mad woman's rumbling in the middle of the night! it's a stage, it will pass he says. our bodies glistering with shed sweat and mingled afterglow. as he trails his hand around my ambilical cord. what if it isn't.

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Sleepless? Instead of reaching for sleeping pills, which can quickly become addictive, try this: Drink only caffeine free tea or coffee starting late in the afternoon.. Go to bed earlier rather than later, as being overtired tends to keep people awake. Make sure the bedroom is dark and quiet. Use only pure wool or cotton sheets and blankets. Polyester materials can cause sweat and make you thirsty (if your child constantly asks for water throughout the night, this could be the reason).

And don't watch those scary movies just before retiring! If you still can't sleep, make a tea of lemongrass or drink a nightcap of herbal tea containing chamomile. It's easy to grow lemongrass in your garden or start a flower pot on the balcony for ease of picking. Simply steep a handful in boiling water for five minutes. Honey may be added for a sweetener.

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2. Avoid the tempting lure of caffeine or sugar-laden foods such as coffee, tea or chocolate. Caffeine may perk up your energy levels temporarily, but it also has a bad habit of leaving you sluggish after the effect has worn off. Instead, choose whole grain foods, fruits and vegetables to give your body the fuel it really wants! Eating healthier will boost your mood, elevate your alertness, change black eyed pea anxiety and make you feel better all day long.

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