possibility of ifyness.

monday night. i get home. ready to work on my papers. because its due the next day and i being the classic procrastinator. ( fill the blank). i turn percola up.
silence. i try again. she isnt booting up. i leave her. take a shower. talk with my roomate. get comfortable. go back again to her. i turn her on. she goes to safe mode. not a problem. been there before. i turn her off manually. speak with my roomie.i begin to feel stirings of concern. this is the night before presentation. she is silent. & i think..im in problems. i take a deep breath. curses run through my head. the anger begins to rise. deep breath...exhale... deep breath.. exhale...i slowly be-come calm. strange considering i'm fire inclined with a tenacity of the fiery one.

i retire early. wake up a few hours later. restless. plagued by a missed step. percola is my first. she is older. she desired an upgrade. or at least something better. a 486 running windows 2000. she couldnt handle it. and had began to grasp and slurp dumping physical memory. i downgraded her to win98 and well, lets just say the blue screen became rather common.

i was not raised with computers. i saw my real first one, discounting the ones on tv in 95. really.to many back home, computers are luxuries. i felt rather up there in the scale of things.. & now, i'm not any different. percola's demise conjures possibilities of disentangling through attachements. it has been on my mind my instatiable desire to acquire more stuff to fill the hole of gushing heart and a wounded spirit.

just that monday morning, i had began the sitting.

how does one become content with very little in a land of plenty?